From One Mother to Another – A Relatable Everyday Mom’s Story

everyday mom's story

This is not just another blog that you will read and make some mental notes or get some remedies or ways to do some things.

This is an experience turned into a story which I am presenting for my readers and I think I am speaking on behalf of most of the moms out there.

I bet many… umm, not many but almost every mom would relate to me on this blog and it is going to be an emotional ride ahead with the whole spectrum of feelings demonstrated in this article!!

As parents, we are all glad & sometimes over the moon, that baby Y is blessed to have so many people around to love and protect him.

We love each & every one of you and we are grateful that you love baby Y too.

Every parent always welcomes all the love their kid can get in this world. We wish on it most of the times.

But can this love hurt us sometimes? Yes, it can & it does. And in the past month, I have experienced this love questioning my own motherly love for baby Y!

I am someone’s kid and I don’t think anyone has ever loved me more than my parents. And I am sure most people would agree with me on this.

Parents enjoy seeing their kids being loved and adored and when people spend time with them and create amazing memories with them!!

As most parents, we also love when everyone around baby Y loves him but we need to talk about certain parameters & boundaries!! Boundaries, not on the love, but some actions & questions that can hurt a first-time parent. Especially, moms!

It’s difficult for me to digest and talk about this too, but it is high time and I needed to speak up to not let it affect my mental health.

Yes, you heard it right! Some simple words from you & it can cause a ruckus in a mom’s brain.

I know I am obsessed with baby Y!! Why won’t I? He is MINE! And every mom feels the same way about their kids.

When I say he is mine, I mean that. Our kids can be a part of other people’s journey but they are our whole journey! I don’t think anyone would want to give any rights to comment anything about their journey.

And I am sure that I don’t anyone to claim baby Y or be judgemental or pass on any comments just by looking at him!!

He is a growing kid, and he would lose his baby weight. And I am & will be with him 24*7*365. I can very well see that too. I don’t need subtle reminders from outsiders or even loved ones to see that!!

I really don’t want to sound rude or ungrateful or unpleasant. But we are their Mothers!! We are the ones who carry them for 9 months, suffered all the possible mood swings, body changes and what not.

We are the ones who went through all the possible tests and ultrasounds and doctor visits and took hell lot of medicines and free advise just to make sure that they are growing well inside of us.

We are the ones who undergo a C-section just to make sure that the cord around their necks doesn’t harm our babies in the womb.

I went through all that and the breastfeeding issues, still going through them. (Yes he is 2.1 years and I am still breastfeeding him.. I am happy, he is happy, period!) I have also gone through all those sleepless nights just to hold him in my arms to soothe him in colic.

Yes, I did all this, not you!! You all may be related to the journey in a way or other… but you are not his mom, I am!!

I am the one who went through so much just to get that right of saying that this child is MINE… how can I give that right to anyone so easily?? I strongly believe that this right should be reserved by parents only!

He is our baby, not Your baby.. he is ours!!!

You calling him my bachha, my baby can be a term for you showing your affection. I appreciate that. I love that in fact. But it’s not acceptable at times when things go overboard and people start pointing out the smallest mistakes a mother makes.

It is not acceptable that you see our kids 10 days out of 365 and you judge how a parent is doing and doubt their parenting skills.

I felt like it was high time now that I should make it crystal clear and show some parameters which when crossed, can hurt a mother lot!!

I am a new and first-time mom with No support during or after pregnancy or guidance. I am a human too. I agree I make mistakes, but I never intend to harm or bother my kid.

And of course, I am trying my best and giving my best. We all are. But at times, certain words from you or certain actions from you can be heart-wrenching for me as a mom to digest and ultimately it can disturb the relationship we share.

I don’t intend to say that this is applicable every time you are around baby Y. But kindly do consider the amount of efforts parents put in to raise their kids.

After certain experiences in the past few days, we asked other moms what they think about the issue on the hands & here are some of the replies we got:

Answer 1: “Uff, initially I got so frustrated and wanted to leave everything behind.”
Answer 2: “I generally try to give a deaf ear as it is hard to shut all the mouths.”
Answer 3: “It was very frustrating when I was a new mom but now it’s like say it to their faces.”
Answer 4: “Every kid is unique in his/her way. They are not the same.” – This has been my favorite thing to say for the past 11 months. I hate it but I have to say it.
Answer 5: “Yeah, I get frustrated because people don’t even understand the situation before poking.”

And the best reply we got: “My Child, My Rules.”

Every mom at some point or the other have experienced such things and I stand by them. So, here are certain things mentioned below that every mom would appreciate when taken care of:  (P.S. These are my personal experiences and we would love to hear other mom’s experiences as well!)

  • Kindly do not give those judgemental stares or lectures when a mother is trying to discipline their kids. We don’t give those rights to anyone.
  • Kindly do not give anything to a child saying: “Take it. Momma won’t mind if I am giving it to you.” “EVERY MOM WOULD MIND IF THAT’S NOT THE RIGHT THING!!” Just a question before offering that is needed. “{Name} can I give your child this?” and that’s what we would appreciate!
  • I am ok with the messy place if my kid is happy, my husband is certainly not. But he has to adjust. Because I certainly can’t keep poking baby Y not to do what he is doing. Don’t be an add-on to my husband’s frustration! We already have a hard time in settling to what and where we are.
  • I let my kid explore and play with everything he wants. That’s what kids are supposed to do!! I am by no means interested in being judged upon that.
  • Introducing books to my kid at the age of 8 months is my choice and his interest. I am not bound to be judged as a mother on that!
  • I do allow him to work in the kitchen and he enjoys that too. Doesn’t mean I am raising him like a girl, what makes you even think that?
  • He cries, he cries a pilot at times, and that doesn’t make him a girl either!! Stop this gender discrimination and ruining my son’s perception with such thoughts.
  • Giving screen time to my son, letting him eat out in restaurant/ Thela etc with us is our choice, more than our choice. He relishes it, why is it such a big deal with people?
  • Letting him eat an ice-cream every day is also our choice… we aren’t bound to accept those stares from you about that.
  • Trying to say him that don’t accept everything your mommy says is just NOT acceptable. Mom’s would never say anything that’s not for good their kids!!
  • He is losing a lot of weight, he is getting thinner day by day, don’t you feed him properly etc are not needed! He is healthy as per his age, playful and active. I am happy, he is happy! Period!!
  • Talk to me/my husband if you wish to regard him, but please I request you to mind your words before you speak them out. Certain words can shatter us as parents after putting in all that we do!

Note: this is not intended to hurt anyone, but this was high time I as a mom needed to give it back to the society for what I have been getting for 2 years.

Questions/Things you can ask/say to a mom before unintentionally judging & hurting her:

– “Is everything alright with you & your kid?” “Can I offer any help or advise, if not?”

– “How are you & your family doing?” – Ask this before actually making an accusation on how the family is doing.

– “I have certain concerns regarding your kid. Mind if I share?” – Asking this before actually speaking your mind out can help a mom set her mind that some criticism is coming her way. That way she would be more receptive to your thoughts & concerns.

If you as a mom can relate, let me know in the comments section!!

Also if you have said anything like this & feel guilty and just a msg/call to that mom with some kind words can make their day!!

Enough of mom-shaming now. Let’s appreciate mom’s we know and make them feel proud of what they are doing!!

Piyu Ailani
Hi, I am Piyu Ailani. A SAHM from Ahmedabad, India. Married since 4 years. Mommy to the bundle of naughty acts, whom we proudly named Yuvaan! Just a small way to connect with all the new moms like me.

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